2016 September 08


Today has been a difficult day.  I had an appointment at the Cinci VA with Dr. Allen.  He said, "I had hoped never to see you again." in a joking matter.

Greeeeat.

He, his RN, and two of his residents sat down and explained to me that due to the severe complications that I had the last time, they were not comfortable doing my surgery.

First, I don't remember my surgery being complicated but that is normal with the type of anesthesia I had supposedly. Dr. Allen had to have a general surgeon on call, had urology and nephrology come and look at my insides, had to have stints put in and then some.  Due to all of that, he was going to refer me to Dr. Eisenhower, an oncology gyn surgeon who had more experience.  He also thought they might decide to conduct the surgery roboticly. He however would not do it.

Great.

I'm not sure how I feel about all this.  First the diabetes with possible Lupus, then having to see an oncologist for the alien babies growing on my ovaries, not to mention the complicated life situation at home. Now it looks like I'll have to miss Autumn Fires so that I can deal with it all.

Grrrr


2016 September 08 Firebird

Much more pricey than I was hoping for/comfortable spending but after trying the food it was completely worth it. 



The Kitchen



The Wine-ing Wall?

Her Ceasar Salad


The most amazing meatloaf I have ever had in my entire life, 
served with grilled green beans and mashed potatoes.



2016 September 1 Dilemma of the Heart


Last night we had a fight.  I told him I was planning on moving out.  It did not go well as expected.  We ended up arguing over Set. He calling me a liar as well as other things.  I know he was hurt and defensive and lashing out.  And I really didn't care.

I was numb and disconnected from a lot of the incident.  I know I love a part of him.  But now, after five years, I know that love isn't enough. You would have thought I learned that with the other one.

Today at work one of the police officers who recognized him as belonging to me let him in to give me a surprise.  He has never brought me flowers nor done anything like this in the entire time we have
been together.  


He said he wanted to keep trying.  I just don't think I can.  I know he is scared to be on his own and he has a lot of challenges with the Aspergers. I just can't take care of him, my daughter and myself at the same time. It is too much.  He will never accept that SHE will always come first, at his, and my own, expense.  

It just hurts so much when I think about it after the arguments are done; when I get to survey the damage left after the storm.

Love and pretty flowers aren't enough.